Do You Believe In Perfect Kisses?
by JuliaKerns5
Summary: [WARNING: Slash][RLSB][OneShot][MWPP Era] Why do Remus and Sirius always have perfect kisses in fanfiction? In real life, it's NEVER perfect... a story where kissing goes horribly wrong. Lots of hesitation and angry caretakers. Happy ending, though! :D


It was pouring down rain and sleet without ever showing signs of stopping. Rain was constantly sliding into Remus' shoes, as he had given up using his rather weathered umbrella, which was sitting at the bottom of the stands pathetically. Peter was cheering enthusiastically right next to him, the only one still jumping and screaming.

The game had been lasting for longer than three blasted hours.

Yes, Remus did want to be inside in the comfort of his books and his quill, but his boyfriend_ was_ playing for the first time since they had even been boyfriends.

Every time Peter would jump, water would splash around the stands irritably. Every time Peter would open his mouth to cheer, Remus could see rainwater dashing into his mouth.

Everything was plastered onto his skin rather uncomfortably and _coldly_. Everything was unpleasant. He was sure that he was cheering at the wrong times.

Remus couldn't _wait_ to go inside so Sirius and him could –

He blushed, stopping himself. Was he supposed to be thinking about such things? A shy, conservative, and geeky thirteen-year-old should contain himself at such things. He _was_ only thirteen. He knew that Sirius would be thinking about those sort of things, but probably not with Remus in the picture. He could be dreaming about Ravenclaw's hot and lovely seeker right now as he dodged a collision with her.

There was a sudden roar of approval from the Gryffindors as every piece of colored red and yellow stood up in a shaking torrent and screaming as the commenter faintly said 'Gryffindor wins the cup!'. Remus reluctantly stood up further into the hard sleet, wishing to simply apparate into the common room, but cheering nonetheless. The players landed in the mud and in waves, Gryffindors began to file out of the stands. Peter and Remus and the players on the team were soon the last ones there.

Peter was still jumping up and down as Remus grabbed his arm and led him down to the pitch, where immediately he saw Sirius give him a look.

A Look that drove Remus mad because he couldn't decipher what it meant at all.

Sirius took a step toward him and away from the team. Peter was running ahead like mad, splattering mud everywhere and attacking the entire team soon, but Remus was still walking – well, _power_ walking – towards Sirius, who was smiling gently.

He tried to slow down but the mud prevented him from walking any slower or faster. He was afraid to reach Sirius, because what would he do when he _did_ finally get to him? Sirius would probably take care of that. He would hug him, or maybe kiss him, or maybe even simply sweep him off to the dormitories right away. What was he supposed to do if Sirius did _any_ of them?

He dashed the last couple steps and simply threw himself in Sirius' arms, and it seemed that almost for a second the rain stopped pouring on the two, and then started again. Remus smiled into Sirius' wet shoulder and soaked Quidditch robes, while Sirius held him firmly around the waist before letting go.

Remus nervously put a strand of hair behind his ear. "That was a great game, Sirius." He awarded congratulatingly.

"Thanks. I saw you cheering." He said back awkwardly. Remus smiled hesitantly.

"I think I cheered at the wrong times."

Sirius let out a laugh. "You did. One time I almost fell off of my broom and you were cheering like mad."

Remus grinned apologetically. "At least I cheered, right?"

Sirius shrugged, and James hopped in all of a sudden, grabbing onto Sirius' arm. "Sorry to interfere here, Remus. I'll give him back in a moment." He pulled Sirius away after Remus nodded curtly.

He let out his breath in relief. That talking alone had been hard.

Out of the sleet and cold, he could hear James muttering to Sirius as Peter splashed around with the rest of the team.

"–don't think he wants to–"

"–just do it anyway–"

"–what if he pushes me away–"

"–just do it, Sirius, just do it–"

"–too nervous for my own good–"

"–Remus is too–"

"–will mess it up–"

"–you're bloody thirteen years old, _do it_–"

Remus caught his name once or twice in the midst of their sentences, and he was trying to edge forward even more discreetly to hear more, when he felt James grip his arm and drag him into another part of the pitch. Remus looked over to see Sirius blushingly looking at the two talking.

"Sirius wants to kiss you."

Remus' eyes were still on Sirius when he heard James blurt out something familiar to 'Sirius' and 'kiss' and he jerked his head back, his eyes wide.

"_What?_"

"Sirius wants to kiss you." He repeated.

"But – but I don't know how to kiss–"

"Well, just do it anyway. It'll be fine because both of you are too nervous to do it anyway. I've never seen Sirius afraid to kiss a girl and I've never seen you kiss _anyone_, so–"

"No, no, no, no, no, I can't do it! What if I mess up?" Remus stuttered worriedly.

"Look!" James interrupted him. "Are you a Gryffindor or not?"

Remus sighed. "What… what am I even supposed to do?"

James rolled his eyes. "Okay, Remus, let's go back to preschool. You stand next to each other, ignore the 'cooties' and just put your lips to his." He mocked in a childish voice.

Remus shook his head nervously. "I won't. I'll probably end up punching his nose instead."

James groaned. "Okay, Remus, look, he's waiting." James said, his eyes dangerous as he pointed to Sirius, his hands behind his back patiently. Remus took a deep breath in.

"I don't know."

"Oh, come on!" James said exasperatedly. "Just meet Sirius in the broomshed. See? Sirius is already going there."

He gave him a little encouraging push. "But what if–" Remus said concernedly, turning back again.

"For Merlin's sake, Remus, what is the worst that could happen?" James asked.

Remus ran through the possibilities in lightening speed, all of them worse in Remus' head than in James'. Finally, he nodded, knowing that James would be persistent, and hurried to run up to Sirius in the rain and darkness, when all of a sudden –

"WHAT IN _BLASTED BARNICLES_ ARE YOU KIDS DOING OUT HERE?" A loud and raspy voice shouted out angrily by the door. There was an eerie light coming from the entrance, where a crack from the door illuminated light. The sinister man was hobbling out of the door, shaking his cane at each one of the students.

The caretaker. "THERE IS BLOODY LIGHTENING OUT HERE, DON'T YOU HAVE AN _OUNCE_ OF INTELLIGENCE?! INSIDE. RIGHT. NOW. THERE WILL BE PUNISHMENT!!"

James groaned out and the rest of the Quidditch team sighed. Remus gaped at the man, ushering them all inside. He had ruined their moment.

How dare he!

Sirius shuffled to Remus the last few steps and simply took his hand, walking inside like the rest of the team.

"I'm sorry if we'll get detention." Sirius whispered to him when they were inside and out of the caretaker's ears.

"That's okay." Remus said back softly. His clothes went _drip, drip, drip_ as they scrambled into the Portrait Hole.

He started towards the musty chair corner, but Sirius tugged on his arm. "Come, Remus." He asked him gently, treading up the stairs.

It was empty and rather dark. Remus knew what he was planning.

"I'm sorry that Filch… _interrupted_… us." He whispered tenderly, his hand suddenly on Remus' cheek. Remus jumped and gasped, as he couldn't even see where Sirius was.

_Drip, drip, drip,_ went his robes.

"But I'm sure we can continue it here." Sirius whispered huskily, and Remus could feel his breath on his mouth, and even the heat radiating from Sirius' mouth.

"Sirius…" Remus breathed quietly. "Is this your first kiss?"

"No… no, not exactly." Sirius answered even quieter.

_Drip, drip, drip_.

"Is it yours?"

Remus nodded in the darkness. He knew Sirius couldn't see him, but he could feel him nod in the motionless darkness.

_Drip, drip, drip_.

Their breath was intermingled again. Remus sucked in his breath, preparing himself –

_Drip, drip, drip_.

He felt another wet hand on his plastered down soaking robe, and winced.

He jerked away, scrambling for the nearest candle and flooding the room in uncharacteristic light. Sirius' hand was still poised as though Remus' cheek was still there. Remus blushed apologetically.

"Sorry," He said. "I just really need to change."

He ended up actually taking a shower in the bathroom instead of just changing, Sirius waiting patiently at the sinks. Finally, Remus stepped outside, flushing, a towel wrapped around his waist. Sirius grabbed another towel immediately, placing it on his shoulders and massaging through the towel slightly.

"Can I help you towel off?" He asked, and Remus swallowed, nodding.

"Sure."

When they were both finally dry, the two of them both awkwardly left the bathroom and stood in front of each other.

"Remus?" Sirius said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"The lighted candle is really killing the mood." He said with a reproachful face. Remus opened his mouth and closed it again.

"Oh. You want to put it out?"

Sirius moved forward with his hand and extinguished it with his thumb.

"Ow." He said as darkness followed.

Remus slipped his hand over Sirius', grinning nervously into the blackness.

"Okay," He said awkwardly. "What now?"

"Well," Sirius said. "I think that now we kiss."

"Alright." Remus said quietly, just as he felt Sirius' fingers laying gently on his hips and his lips suddenly in contact with his.

When all of a sudden their teeth clanked together and the little crook in Remus' front teeth locked into the small gap at the bottom of Sirius' teeth.

They both heard the click.

"Er. Siriush?" Remus asked, their 'locked' situation making it hard to talk for Remus.

"Yesh, Reamush? I feel like I have a bad underbitesh." Sirius slurred out, trying to jerk away.

"Stop, stop, you're gonna rip out my teeth, Siriush." Remus demanded, moving over to the desk with Sirius hanging on by the teeth. He groped for his wand.

"Er… what spell untanglesh teeth?"

"I dunno." Sirius muttered. "But hurry upsh, will you? I really need to swallow."

Remus made a face. "Ew."

"Well, sorry!" Sirius said exasperatedly.

"Okay, look," Remus instructed carefully. "You go slightly leftways, no, not _right_, left, and a little downwards… okay, go down and I'll go up."

With a final yank they broke apart, both of them nursing their mouths.

"Remus?" Sirius asked awkwardly.

"Yes?" Remus replied.

"Do you believe in perfect kisses?"

Remus looked upwards with a slight chuckle. "Definitely not."

"I don't either." Sirius said with a shake of his head. "Who needs perfect kisses when you have perfect people?" He asked softly, looking in Remus' eyes tenderly. Remus smiled.

"Yeah." He said, cupping Sirius' cheek.

Sirius leant down a bit. "But I don't mind kissing in general."

"I don't think I do either." Remus said. He could actually talk to Sirius again like a friend, and not the awkwardness of a new found and shy boyfriend. His arms wound their way into Sirius' hair.

"I don't mind it when kisses _are_ perfect."

"I agree, Siri." Remus said.

Sirius closed the gap between them, and then Remus didn't have to dream about what they were doing in the common room later that evening, since he wasn't soaked in a Quidditch match and extremely tired and uncomfortable, he was for the first time – a boy who was allowed to think whatever he wanted to and have it come true. Even if he was only thirteen.

And even if he didn't always have perfect kisses. He had a perfect Sirius.


End file.
